A very lame blog entry

See the explosions up there on my blog header? That will be my head soon. But hey, things are moving along. This will be the summer forever referred to as "That summer we all traded places". In-laws to Oklahoma and new house, us to aforementioned new house, Tessa to apartment in college town, us out of old house after we close on the sale. All this in 105 degrees.

Yes, I'm still alive. No, I have not forgotten you. Maybe, I will find the will to do something other than drag my aching body into bed and out again each day.

Love ya, miss ya!

empty nest empathy

My sister called last night just to talk to someone who gets the pain of the empty nest. Her girls are gone for the summer, but it's just the prelude to being gone for good.

My sister and I went to live in Switzerland the first semester of our senior year in high school. My grandfather, a gifted theologian and teacher, was going there with my grandmother to teach for a semester. They were brave enough to invite two 17 year old teenagers to tag along. It was no less than a life altering experience.

I tell you that because it was my own mother's first experience with the empty nest. I remember her telling me later that she would sit at my desk in my bedroom, looking at all my high school paraphernalia, and feel the empty ache deep down in that hole that had opened up at the departure of her daughters.

I chose to go to college far away from home and again, my mother struggled privately with saying good-bye, leaving me there on the sidewalk in front of the dorm, knowing it was a temporary separation - a trial. The real leaving home would come later.

In reality, my sister and I don't really have empty nests. Our daughters may be gone, or still coming and going from college, but our houses are full. My house now holds four adults - two generations coexisting, plus Tessa for a few more weeks. We've exchanged caring for children for caring for parents. (My precious in-laws are probably wondering how it came to be that they are once again sharing their home with their children) My sister and her husband are opening their home to a couple of young women, providing transitional time and space. I think the empty nest is more of a heart issue.

Yes, we knew this day was coming --the day all of our years of mentoring, guiding, disciplining, dance-chaperoning, arguing, laughing, playing, cookie-baking, knee bandaging-- would come to an end. That's the plan, the goal, and we are grateful for it. Knowing we did our absolute best, knowing the daughters are relatively prepared for life, and leaving the light on and the bedroom available...those are the only things that soothe.

And maybe a phone call to someone who gets it.

Motivational moments

Today our office went to the big-deal motivation seminar at the Cox Center here in OKC. It was a surreal experience. There before my very eyes, on stage in proud little Oklahoma City, were Joe Montana, Steve Forbes, General Colin Powell, Zig Ziggler, Rudy Guilliani, and best of all, former First Lady, Laura Bush. I just love that woman. She fascinates me. She's strong, elegant, intelligent, and above all, gracious.

The surreal part came with the 30 minute infomercials interspersed amongst the big names. Painful commercials promoting stuff you see on the odd channels on cable. You too can become a millionaire by learning to trade on the stock market, by buying and selling real estate, or by learning the intricacies of e-commerce. All for a mere $99.99.

I'm just not a signer-upper. I do not run to the latest fad. I do not believe they make anyone rich except the promoters. It's possible I miss out on fabulous, life-changing opportunities by living this way. But I doubt it.

I'm pretty sure that hard work, persistence, integrity, compassion and treating people right are the keys to a successful life. I'm aware those are not innovative thoughts. Those are free to all and do not require two day seminars.

But hey, I got to explain such things as hanging chads and life-threatening George Bush pretzel incidents to coworkers who were barely out of grade school when Laura Bush became First Lady. And they got to explain kj52 (kj5tweezy) to me. So that was an experience not to miss.

The day was, in fact, oddly motivating.

28 years of wedded bliss.

I have not excuse for falling off the bloggy wagon so much here lately except that life has hit me upside the head with a two-by-four, effectively knocking any creative thought right out of the overloaded brain. Survival is the goal for each day. There has been no excessive TV watching, no leisurely thumbing through a decorating magazine, no reading of summer novels. Nope. Because none of those things would work up a sweat, forcing me to change clothes three times per day, or just let the sweat-soaked panties dry on my aching body, leaving me chilled and wishing I'd brought a change of clothes. I can handle a sweaty shirt, but it's the sopping undies that make one miserable in this 105 degree heat. And unlike when I lived in Arizona, the heat here in Oklahoma is definitely not a "dry heat".

In the midst of all this sweatiness (are you still reading, or have you moved on to a less graphic representation of life in Oklahoma in June of 2009) - so, aaaannnyway, in the midst of the sweaty moving of the aforementioned in-laws, of the sweaty house renovation, of the sweaty everything involving moving off of the couch, Mark and I celebrated our 28th anniversary. In style. In Ada.

Don't be so judgy. Ada is a lovely town. I had to work there on Saturday, which was our official anniversary. And since I work for a non-profit and we have pretty much been doing the community serving thing as a family for about twenty of those years, Mark thought nothing of coming along and spending our anniversary serving the good folks of Coalgate, just down the road, forty miles or so, from Ada.

The thing I love about hotels is that you can crank the AC up (down?) to a decadent 52 degrees and lie shivering happily under several layers of blankets without worrying about next month's electric bill. I know. That's not a very tree-hugging thing to say. I should be more concerned about the environment, global warming, blah blah blah. Don't be so judgy. Sheesh. It was 105 degrees outside where I had been working all day in the service of humanity. I can't be responsible for the state of the ozone every waking moment!

We stayed in Ada an extra 24 hours just to bask in the coolness that was the Ada Holiday Inn Express, away from the naggy to-do list that awaited us back home. After 28 years you take your celebrations wherever and whenever you can get them.

I'm back home and ready to tackle the long list of things to do to get this house on the market. Anyone want to buy a much loved and renovated cottage in Bethany? Today you can take it as-is for a steal of a price. I'll leave you the to-do list under the magnet on the fridge.

Just call my name, I'll be there

So is it legal to write a blog post today and not mention Farrah and Michael Jackson? No blogging about kids or life or moving or work?


I mean, I was startled like everyone else yesterday morning to turn on my computer and see the news that Farrah had passed on. And the drive home was comsumed by reports of Michael Jackson being taken to the hospital, Michael Jackson in a coma, Michael Jackson possibly dead.


Farrah forever changed hair. I was in high school during the early years of Charlie's Angels. All my friends attempted the feathered hair look. No one wanted to be Angels Sabrina or Kelly. Everyone wanted to be Jill. Duh!


By the time Michael Jackson made the Thriller video I was a young wife, busy trying to finish college and get my career and family started. I never really got the beauty of the whole short pants, white socks, zipper-encrusted jacket, white glove, crotch-grabbing thing. I pretty much always related Michael Jackson back to the Jackson Five. Michael Jackson and Donny Osmond seemed two of a kind to me. The little brother with a big voice in a family of singing phenoms. I guess I never really understood the remade version. Or maybe it was a matter of timing.



So I guess I just wrote a post about Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett anyway. Both just always seemed sad to me. I'd way rather have had my life than either of theirs. But they did leave their own unique mark on American pop culture. (Thank you Captain Obvious - as my daughter would say).

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to

Wow the last seven days have been, um, interesting...exhausting...challenging. I anticipated they would not be a walk in the park, so to speak. But I probably underestimated the need to dig deep and pull up from the depths both physical and emotional strength beyond what I thought I had in reserve. And there's the problem. One must start with some reserves in order to tap into said reserves.

My husband's parents are now moved out of their Kansas home and into our new shared home in Oklahoma. (We must sell our current home before joining them.) There is still a lifetime of accumulated stuff to go through in the garage and the kitchen is not fully unpacked. But the basics are in place. Including the mailbox, which apparently got knocked down while the new home was empty. Funny how you don't notice things until you wander out to see if the mail has been forwarded yet, but are unable to actually find the mail receptacle.

If we weren't already on a first name basis at Home Depot, we are now.

Did I mention that we also lightly passed over Father's Day and Mark's 50th birthday? By the time Sunday rolled around we were too exhausted to celebrate anything except that we could go back to work on Monday and sit down for a few hours. Indoors.

Can I be honest? Well, as honest as I can be on a blog that people actually read? I have no problem getting along with my in-laws. I have great hope for our ability to coexist peacefully. It's when other folks get all up in our business, giving out unsolicited advice, whispering discontent, that things don't go well. The four of us have to make our own way, find a new normal in this transition. It's not going to be easy for any of us, but I think it will be worth it.

Mark and I lead fast paced lives and will need to slow down and actually listen respectfully before moving ahead with plans or changes or opinions. The in-laws are from what has been called "The Greatest Generation", a group of fiercely independent folks who endured and thrived despite great hardship. They will need to learn the art of graceful dependence as their bodies and minds begin to betray them.

There are many challenges ahead, but I anticipate an improved quality of life for all of us. May God be with us in this new phase.

Oh, and happy birthday to my precious Mark. 50 is a respectable age. Your body has given you a present of a few gray hairs. I kinda like them.

Silly is as silly does. Or something like that.

I've been thinking about something Jean Warner said on her blog. Jean's amazing blog helpfully directs us all to important matters regarding women's issues, especially those that effect the women of Oklahoma. I often wonder how she is so connected to what goes on in this state.

She recently shared that a female state politician is now blogging, and in that blog entry she mentioned that although many Oklahoma women blog, she would like to see more women bloggers include "value-added content" related to public policy, business and civic affairs.

Now why has this stuck in my brain? Is it because I'm highly, highly competitive and rarely met a challenge I didn't accept? I've often thought I should put more time, research and value into the content of my blog entries. So why don't I?

(I'm home early from work and I'm trying to blog and watch Oprah at the same time, so I'm a bit distracted. Celine Dion is on. I know folks often make her the butt of jokes, but she is just amazing. I admit it. I'm a fan.)

OK, so I was saying something about putting more thought into my blog posts. Umm...

I think I've determined the reason why I, in particular, do not get too serious on this here blog.

(OK, now Oprah and Celine are both bawling. How am I supposed to think with all that boohooing going on?)

Focus. What were we talking about? Don't you hate it when someone is supposed to be paying attention to you and their eyes keep drifting off to the side, watching the TV or people passing, or when they are texting while you're talking?

So - I really think I don't get all value-added because every waking moment of my life is spent adding value to something. My job at an Oklahoma non-profit is very demanding - every day filled with the juggling act that is directing a program that meets the oral health needs for some of the most under-served children in the state. And when I get home I'm teaching a course at a local university, something that takes a great deal of brain power and creativity. Keeping a room full of adult students interested and engaged for four straight hours is a daunting task. If I'm not teaching, I'm lending my body and brains to the renovation of this old house. Then there's the newest area where I'm hopefully adding value; Combining two households and three generations under one roof.

So when I get on my blog to share my thoughts, I automatically go to silly and frivolous. It's a great outlet - a place where, perhaps sadly, deep thinking is not required. Maybe some day, when the brain and body are less engaged in heavy-duty emotional, physical and mental work, I'll start another blog about best business practices for non-profits, or the plight of women in developing nations, or the blight of urban poverty, or how to stay married for 28 years and live to tell about it, or tips for being the only adult in your immediate family who is not blessed with Attention Deficit Disorder.

But for now (sigh) all I got is silly.