Monday, May 18, 2009

Junk in the trunk...and the garage...and the closet

Does your man suffer from AMJ? What is it about men and their Accumulated Male Junk. I don't mean the in-the-trunk-junk. I mean that stuff they accumulate through the years and cry about when you attempt to wrench it from their hands, prying one finger off at at time. Not that I've tried. I'm speaking hypothetically.

Continuing in hypothetical mode, what is the plan for the two large boxes of rusted 1960's era Tonka trucks? Or how about the train set? Were you holding out for the birth of a son or maybe now a grandson? Do you really need your old baseball glove, two baseballs, ancient golf clubs, old ski jacket from 1979 with lift passes still attached, hiking boots that haven't seen a trail in 25 years? You'd still have your skis and ski boots even though we haven't lived near a mountain in 27 years, if you hadn't been forced by space issues into giving them up in one of our moves, along with the collection of tennis and racquetball racquets that you planned to someday get restrung.

Then there's the accumulation of keys to unknown locks, old cans of shoe polish, pocket knives, and miscellaneous coins in your night stand. Speaking (hypothetically) of coins, you have a collection of currency from every country you have ever visited. And that's a lot. I don't think they even print Russian Rubles in those denominations any more.

Any thoughts on the trombone, the guitar, the mandolin? Don't get me wrong, I would love to hear you play any of the above. I'm just curious about why you keep them around when they haven't been touched in years except to move them out of the way to look for something lost in the back of your closet.

To find answers to these burning questions, I turned to Steve Almond, author of the article "In Defense of Male Clutter", published in the June issue of Real Simple.
In this era of geographic dislocation with people moving from city to city, unmoored from their histories, we all long for a stronger connection to our pasts...these dusty
objects are also time machines, Their value resides in the particular set of
memories and emotional associations held by their owner. They have made that hallowed passage from physical objects to, dare I say, religious relics

I suppose that's as good a reason as any to continue stepping around the AMJ in our garage (aka: the dungeon). I've got plenty of other things to worry about. If I can just move the leaf blower that no longer blows, and your father's old table saw, maybe I can get to that big box of photos I've been planning to put in an album.


Cari said...

HA! Poor Mark...all his AMJ exposed. My male has the same issues--thanks for helping me understand why. I usually only complain when his AMJ crosses over to MY, side of the closet. :)

Mark said...

All my AMJ is going to look AMAZING in my future "Man Den"!!!

Stephen said...

Take the photos to Mom's and burn the house down. There, see how easy that was?