A day in the life

Have you ever had problems with premature ejaculation? Hold on. Come back. Websters says one definition of the "e" word is a short sudden emotional utterance. So don't get all "this is usually a clean blog". I'm keepin' it clean. And real. The thought came to me yesterday when I was having trouble finishing a text message before accidentally hitting the send button, therefore ejaculating my message out there before it was finished. Very irritating for the recipient as well. Sorry Mom. That message that said "n" and then the next one that said "no blue f" and the next that said "ill as" all combined to mean "No, I don't have your blue folding chairs and I'll ask for that address". I need a cell phone that morphs into a standard sized keyboard then morphs back to pocket size.

Other happenings from yesterday? Went to the deli with my coworkers for a lunch meeting. This is the deli that does ALL our catering. Much big bucks we spend there. Now I'm channeling yoda for some reason. Anyway, purposely let two people go ahead of me so I could be in line next to my boss and the coworker who orders the thousands of dollars worth of catering on the off chance I'd get a free lunch. Nope. Had to pay. But when I sit down I find out ALL THREE of the others got their lunch comped. Are you freaking kidding me? Next time I'm wearing a sign that says "I'm with him". Don't they have t-shirts like that? Oh wait, that's "I'm with stupid". Well, if the t-shirt fits... Anyway, I was all you guys all owe me a couple of bucks since I was the only one who had to pay for this work lunch. Maybe that t-shirt should point to me!!! They had a good laugh at my expense and my boss said to put it on my expense report. It's only $8 but we're in a recession they say. Every dollar counts.

Oh and the other thing? My Principal sister called and suckered my into teaching Junior Achievement to a classroom full of first graders today, on my day off. All day. This should be interesting. I think I'm going to wear that t-shirt.

Silver Bells and Honky Tonk Badonkadonk

I'm hearing all about the economic downturn everywhere I turn, but I'm just not seeing the evidence at the mall or Walmart. What's up with that? Are we just not feeling the pain yet? Are we in denial? Thought I'd try something new (yeah right) and put it to the tune of a familiar Christmas carol. Sing to the tune of Silver Bells. Here you go...

Parking lot is full of big trucks
SUVs can’t park straight
In the air there’s
The smell of exhaust fumes

Children crying, parents swearing
Meeting snarl after snarl
And from every mall shopper you’ll hear

Credit cards, credit cards
It’s time to spend what I don’t have
Ching ching ching, let ‘em ring
Next month I’ll file bankruptcy

Stocks are falling, banks are closing
Ford and GM need cash
In the air there’s a feeling of panic

Talks of layoffs, losing pensions
Homeless shelters are full
But from every mall shopper you’ll hear

Credit cards, credit cards
It’s time to spend what I don’t have
Ching ching ching, let ‘em ring
Let's buy more stuff while we can

****

Too serious for you? Well, here's another. Sing to the tune of "Little Drummer Boy". If you're not familiar with "badonkadonk" then...this won't mean much to you. Spellcheck just blew a gasket.

***

Making fudge tonight

Badonkadonk, donk

A new pie recipe,

Badonkadonk, donk

My finest chocolate cake

Badonkadonk, donk

Too late to change my fate

Badonkadonk, donk

Donkadonkdonk

donkadonkdonk

So I’ll try next month

Badonkadonk, donk

To lose this junk