An apple a day and other tall tales

Let's talk about food, shall we? Have you been watching Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution? We became fans of Jamie, aka "The Naked Chef" back in our South Africa days. Anyway, back to his one-man revolution. He's hanging out in Huntington, West Virginia trying to change people's attitudes about food. It's not exactly the bastion of homemade granola and organic veggies there. Come to think of it, I'm surprised he didn't come to Oklahoma! We're ranked the 6th most obese state. West Virginia is third, so I guess they win. Here's what Jamie says...

"I believe that every child in America has the right to fresh, nutritious school
meals, and that every family deserves real, honest, wholesome food."

What? No more counting ketchup as a vegetable? No more pizza Fridays? I used to love pizza Fridays. And Mac and Cheese.

Eating healthy is an ongoing challenge. You know they say to shop the perimeter of the store to stick with the healthy foods, right? The bakery is on the perimeter! And so is the deli! Apparently "they" have never been to Homeland. "They" must have been hanging out at Whole Foods where, by shopping the perimeter they avoid the massive display of wine and other alcoholic beverages that are stronger than the 3.2 beer allowed to be sold in Oklahoma grocery stores.

In our house the men have eased into doing most of the cooking during the week. Hallelujah! Amen. I come home from work and the husband and the father-in-law are busy planning what to throw on the grill. Because real men only cook meat outdoors. And they try, really they do, to make balanced meals. Want a cinnamon roll and a baked potato with that pork chop?

Sometimes though, they just forget to eat. I KNOW! So strange. On Saturday they headed out to do their Saturday errands only to discover that the father-in-law hadn't had anything to eat - at 10:30 a.m. I'm sorry but my first waking thought, after "man I have to pee" is "what's for breakfast?". Mark got so busy doing yard work later in the day he forgot to eat lunch. Who ARE these people?

I guess it's up to us women to try to balance out the meat and potatoes diet. It was a man who started McDonald's. And Wendy's? Founded by a dude. The burger and fries is just another version of meat and potatoes. It's a man's food world out there. I've decided that back in the Garden of Eden, the fall of Man wasn't really all Eve's fault. The poor woman was just trying to add a little fruit to their diet.

The Exit of Doom

I was driving home today, heading toward what I decided was THE EXIT OF DOOM. You have to say that in a really deep voice with lots of reverberation. Every day when I drive home from work I pass a perfectly respectable gym where people go to hold back the rapid expansion common to couch potatoes such as myself. I'm sedentary. I just am. I am not an athlete. It's not fair that by being true to my basic nature I am expanding past a point that is acceptable.

So at 5:30 today I found myself heading toward that exit of doom, where Mark was waiting to escort me into the gym against my will. Or at least against my nature. Yes. We had agreed to meet there. Yes. I want to be healthy. But it takes all of the minuscule amount of discipline I have after a long day of work not to run home to my couch and television.

I'm not a fan of large groups of people. I'm not a fan of sweating. I'm not a fan of trying to figure out how to work all those machines while attempting to look cool as I lower the weights to the lowest possible settings. I'm not a fan of boredom. So really, going to the gym is a little like my own personal hell.

We got passes for five free visits. That should be enough to get in shape and lose all the weight I need to. Right? Truthfully, if we actually use all five free passes we will be exponentially further along than we usually are when deciding to "get healthy". I'm not running out to buy cute gym clothes though. I'm nothing if not a pessimistic realist.

Lord help us!

Can I be honest? I mean really honest. Living with dementia is no fun. Living with someone who suffersfrom dementia, to be more accurate, although I often suffer from severe fuzz-brain-ness myself.

The precious mother-in-law is sinking deeper into a world where we cannot follow. Some days it - the beast of dementia- manifests itself as a little confused but cute and looking out at a world that is all sweetness and light. And then there is yesterday. Wow. I mean. Wow.

On days like yesterday there is no redirecting, no reasoning, no hugs or kind words that can stop the river of mean and ugly. And the thing we all know is, it's not her. It's not the mother and grandmother we all know and love. It's a disease that has attacked and betrayed her, and us along with it.

I've already asked forgiveness from my husband for the future actions of my demented mind. Should I be run down by the same beast, may you all remember me as I once was, and not as I may be if my body and/or mind becomes my enemy instead of my friend. Let's grab the moments now to hug and laugh and play so that we can face the future with the strength and courage that comes from a lifetime of love.

Too much information

I gotta tell you, Mother's Day with grown children is a pleasure. They don't have to rely on another adult to help them pick out a gift, they can cook, they get it when their mother plasters her blog with Mother's Day reminders. I pretty much got spoiled yesterday with a home cooked meal I didn't have to make or clean up after and a nice walk in the park. After that we spent a relaxing couple of hours doing cleansing facial masks and manicures and such at Angela's house. And my son-in-law was good enough during that part of the celebration to go to his man den to play video games and take a nap and not wander around pointing out how not beautiful we were with our mud masks. I always said he was a smart young man!

And at the end of the day I got to spend a little time with my own precious mother. I still can't believe I have the good fortune of living in the same town with her, my twin sister, and my married daughter. After living for decades in far flung places, it still seems like a miracle. We used to call one another, jokingly say "want to go get a cup of coffee?", then shed a few tears knowing it wasn't possible across so many miles. Now when someone says "Want to go get a cup of coffee?" we can say, heck yes, and jump in the car and go. Miraculous.

So after all that sweetness and light, you probably don't want to hear about how cranky I am this morning. It's raining AGAIN, I'm HUNGRY because I'm on a strict food plan, and my RLS is driving me crazy. The diet is something I'm not going to talk about until I actually have some positive results to discuss, because really, who wants to hear about yet another failed attempt at losing weight. And the Restless Leg Syndrome everyone thinks means I get a few cramps in my legs, when in reality, it means violent, full leg, creepy crawly cramping that keeps me from resting comfortable in a chair, from falling asleep, and wakes me up long before the sun. And for some reason the medication I take for it has stopped working. And I'm working all day, then teaching a four-hour class at a local university tonight on about five hours of sleep. So right now I"m CRANKY. If you know me in real life, I would suggest just staying the heck away today. Might be in your best interest.

Just when you were lulled into thinking this was a sweet mommy blog, it takes a nose dive into midlife. At least I'm not having hot flashes.

Hello world, what's new?

Whew, the last couple of weeks have been crazy at work, leading up to our big annual meeting and volunteer appreciation event, among other things. I've been planning, thinking and creating non-stop for weeks and it all turned out well. Fantastic even. So I'm thankful and relieved and happy to take a few days off.

Now I have time to think about what is going on in the world around me. Let's see. Swine flu? I'm somewhat confused by the mixed messages. It's near pandemic proportions says the World Health Organization, President Obama says it's a cause for concern but not alarm, photos of masked citizens riding the subways of the world fill the news. From what I read, the best way to prevent catching and/or spreading the swine flu is a complicated and technical procedure.

1. Wash your hands often.
2. Cover your mouth when you sneeze or cough.
3. Don't pick your nose.
4. Stay home if you have a fever.

Wait. I'm pretty sure mothers everywhere have been drilling those things into the heads of their offspring for generations. I've always said just use the good sense the good Lord gave ya!

Now that we've solved that problem, what else is happening. Looks like there's a need to avoid raw alfalfa sprouts due to possible salmonella. Check. What else. GM is getting rid of the Pontiac. Duh! Oh, here's a stunner.

By Andrew Stern – Mon Apr 27, 12:15 am ET
CHICAGO (Reuters) – Children given stimulants to treat
attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder symptoms score higher on math and
reading tests than children with the condition who do not get drugs, researchers
said on Monday.

Oh for crying out loud, I should certainly hope this would be the case. It doesn't appear to be a slow news day, but apparently stating the obvious is now newsworthy. Here's another good one for the use of common sense.

Fri Apr 24, 12:13 pm ET
ZURICH (Reuters) – A Swiss insurance worker lost her job after surfing popular social network site Facebook while off sick, her employer said Friday. The woman said she could not work in front of a computer as she needed to lie in the dark but
was then seen to be active on Facebook, which insurer Nationale Suisse said
in a statement had destroyed its trust in the employee.

If people would just listen to their mother, we wouldn't need to be reading all these headlines. That's my summary of today's news. And speaking of mothers, just another subtle reminder of what's coming up in a mere two weeks...Mother's Day! The Bible says, and I quote: "Treat your mama right and you'll score major points". That's from 1st Carinthians, if you want to look it up.

Maybe we need a nannie cam for the dogs

We are pretty sure Winnie, our golden retriever/lab mix, has thumbs. She keeps them well hidden, but she's somehow able to open the back door. I came home from work yesterday to find her wandering around inside the house, looking a little dazed, probably because I had interrupted her napping on my pillow. I always look a little dazed too when a perfectly good nap is interrupted. The little dog, Sadie, was pouty all evening, having been left out in the cold while Winnie spent the day in luxury. I'm thinking we should try to train Winnie to grab a diet coke out of the fridge and make good use of her door opening skills. I hear dogs can be trained to do such things. That could come in handy.

Is it a sign of middle age that I'm talking about my dogs like they are people? Or like anyone cares what my dogs are doing? Frightening.

I gotta go. I forgot to take my meds. The weather must be changing again. My knees are stiff and achy. Have I told you about my new recipe for Tuna Casserole?

Just kidding - I was practicing for next year...after all, it's all downhill from here. This slippery slope leads right into "the home".

Sanity is not all it's cracked up to be

You know the definition of insanity, right? The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Supposedly Einstein said that. All the pithy little quotes seem to be attributed to either Einstein or Abraham Lincoln. Did they really have time to sit around thinking up pithy little quotes and writing them down so future generations could google them? Maybe they did. Maybe I'm just way past cynical.

Another blogger reminded me of what Craig Groeschel said on Sunday.

If you want what you once had, do what you once did.

He was applying it to relationships, but I think it works well in many areas of life. Also the antithesis of that thought, which is:

If you want what you've never had, do what you've never done.

I'm going to have to think about those for a while. I can come up with many, many examples of doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Truthfully, if I want what I once had, or what I've never had, I would have to pause long enough to think thoughts deeper than whether The Bachelor will choose Molly or Melissa, or if I should paint the kitchen walls off white or pale blue, or if my house will ever be fully clean again. I'm going to have to work on that.

No one said life was fair; aka daily whine

What does my body require in order to lose an ounce? Moderate exercise and a healthy diet? That's what the experts say, but no one told my own self. It has a plan of its own. One day of eating cookies, gain 3 pounds. (I didn't actually eat 13 cookies on Sunday. Maybe 6. And they were little). Two days of moderate exercise and healthy eating? Gain 1 pound. I guess the good news is that I gained at a slower rate. If that can be considered good news. I don't believe the so called experts when they say the pounds will magically fall off if you make small changes. I have to switch to carrot sticks and celery and water only if I want to start seeing the pounds come off.

Small changes my a...pple loving self.