Things to during "Winter Storm 2010"

So if you're stuck in the house today because of "Winter Storm 2010", which, I have to say, is better than being stuck in the office, and if you give up on trying to actually accomplish meaningful work, here's a little entertainment.

The Gary England Drinking Game - while I'm not advocating actually taking shots as the instructions direct, because as The Lost Ogle points out, you will soon die of alcohol poisoning, this is very funny. Maybe you could make it into a bingo game. Or eat M&Ms instead of taking shots. And of course, you have to be an Okie and familiar with our very own millionaire weather man to think this is even slightly amusing. ( I bought one of those shirts for my niece. Yes I did).

From this blog I was highly entertained for about 8 minutes. "Curb Mining" was very popular when we lived in Bulgaria. And in Bethany for that matter!

Blu Dot Real Good Experiment from Real Good Chair on Vimeo.

Visit the home page of Wait Wait Don't Tell Me and catch up on their podcasts, play the Daily News Quiz game, or find out Harry Reid's reaction to the State of the Union address at Wait Wait Don't Blog Me .

Or you could do something old school like read a good book or take a nap. Just don't plan to go to Starbucks. They are closed indefinitely. They closed at 10:00 a.m. so their associates could get home before the weather got really bad. Where do the associates live? Texas? Seriously, they could have waited to close until 10:30 so I could have drown my irritation at my boss for calling me to say we were working from home today AFTER I was in the office already. But no, all Starbucks are closed. So don't go there hoping for solace. Panchos Liquortown, however, is still open and very busy.

Inquiring minds want to know

Thought I'd update you on a few things since I know you've been wondering what happened since I last posted about these topics. Because I know you have nothing better to do than wonder what is going on in my life. Well...

First, Tessa survived the solo on Saturday at Spring Sing. She did very well and is glad it's over. She had an entourage of 9 family members and friends and the grans came bearing a dozen red roses, so she was happy. We finished the night at Hideaway in Stillwater where, OMG, they were having a bad service night. Asking us to repeat our drink order 5 times to 3 different people(not kidding), bringing out a mini instead of a medium pizza, and completely forgetting one whole pizza didn't make for the best impression for those who had never been there. Usually they're way more on the ball than that. Thankfully we got out of there without any member of our party going ballistic. We were having a good time being together and the food was sort of incidental.

Hmmm, how's the world's fastest kitchen remodel going, you ask?

Next question.

OK, so it's possibly the world's slowest kitchen remodel. What can I say. Half the kitchen - the part with the appliances, is pretty much done. The other half, where the kitchen table sits, is now under major construction. Old houses are always full of surprises. This weekend we peeled back a layer of really ugly paneling to find...another layer of really ugly paneling...and under that...siding. Yep. One wall of our kitchen was at some point the outside wall of the house. Yay! At some point I thought about just painting the siding and calling it unique, but then we decided it would be weird unique, not cool unique. So here comes the sheetrock. We hope to be done by 2011.

How is the battle of the bulge going? Wow, you people ask tough questions. It's going. That's about all I'm going to say on that subject. Let's just say I haven't given up, a few battles have been won, but the war is going to be protracted and full of casualties. Baked goods beware. You are on the terrorist list and will find yourself living out your days at Gitmo.

I just thought of something. Gitmo would be a really good name for a convenience store. You know, like Shop 'n Go or Quicktrip. Their jingle could go "When times are tuff, go where you can git mo' stuff." I know. I'm a marketing genious.

Mark just got back from the grocery store, so I'm going to go unload the food and stop wasting your time.

My daughters are smarter than this

Ode To The Bachelor

Train wreck
Rubber neck
It's not me, it's you
Bad hair
Dirty underwear
What's a girl to do

Yes folks, it was a train wreck and we watched, just like those folks on the highway who can't help but slow down and rubber neck, hoping to see a dead body on the side of the road. And there were dead bodies. But it's not you, it's me, he says. Meaning, it's so you and I'm outa hear faster than you can say "Hi, my name is Jason, and I make stunningly bad choices".

Hi Jason.

Frankly, I was shocked he didn't change his mind again after seeing Molly's hair. Seriously, you're seeing the man you love and lost, and on national television, and that's what you chose to do with your hair? I read on Chris This-Is-The-Final-Rose-Harrison's blog that the women do their own hair and makeup. Um, yeah.

Airing your dirty laundry on national television makes for good ratings I suppose. Jerry Springer for Prime Time. But I can't say much. I watched. I couldn't help myself.

Things that make you go Huh?!

After watching the Oscars the other night (actually I sort of drifted in and out while doing other things) I was again reminded of the necessity and challenge of keeping all those seats filled with beautifully dressed and done-up, living, breathing bodies. Do celebrities have super-human abilities to hold their urine for stretches of three to four hours, you might ask? Have they not had anything to eat or drink for days in order to fit into their size 0 designer gowns? Enemas, anyone? Because they seem to be ever-present. But of course, they are really in the lobby having drinks and hanging out with their super-celeb buddies while their seats are kept warm by seat fillers. Even so, how do Angelina and Brad know just when to be in their seats so the camera can catch their reaction to Jennifer Aniston's bit, for example. Makes you wonder. Well, it makes me wonder.

I wonder if they made use of the ever-so-useful inflatable extra up in the balcony areas. Hey - it's looking a bit sparse up in the third tier. Grab the pump and fill that chair! I just wonder what they have handy to dress the inflatables with. You wouldn't want it to look like there's a naked celebrity. Although sometimes I don't think anyone would notice. At least the inflatable seat filler isn't likely to break the no-autographs rule or chat annoyingly with the closest non-inflated celeb. Makes you wonder.

Another head scratcher. Martha Stewart is now running amok with ideas for ridiculous home projects by providing directions on sewing your very own TV cozy. I can see the usefulness of the traditional tea cozy when you wanted to keep the tea in your teapot steamy in a drafty old house. But your TV? Seems like a waste of time and perfectly good fabric.

One more thing to add to the "makes you go huh" discussion. Mark and I have often wondered why the dogs don't just help themselves to their dog food. We keep it in a big bin but rarely put the lid down tight. It wouldn't take much for them to have themselves a happy doggie feast. I mean, Winnie can open doors like she has thumbs. After reading about Doggie IQ tests from another blogger, we decided to give one a try. Now we know why the dog food is safe. Seriously.

Wondering what makes you go "huh?!"

The Curious Case of Slumdog Millionaire's Reader in Barcelona

I need to get out more. I haven't seen any of the movies so frequently mentioned at the Academy Awards. I don't know if we're too lazy to go to the movies or too cheap to pay the ticket and popcorn prices. But we just don't get to the movie theater much. I love the convenience of getting a Netflix movie in the mail and watching it with my lazy self stretched out on the couch eating my own microwaved popcorn. I do miss seeing some movies using this method though. Maybe I should start a list of "must see" flicks so I don't have to rely on checking out the "new release" list for adding movies to my queue.

Otherwise, I have two things to say about the Oscars: 1) I am in love with Hugh Jackman 2) For the love, would celebrities please stop using award shows as their own personal bully pulpit. OK, three things. 3) I want to be Meryl Streep. Or Queen Latifah.

Cocktail schmocktail

Last night I had to attend a work related cocktail party/reception attended by lots of "important" people. At the end of the day when I'm tired and the brain has shut off, I really struggle to make small talk, look perky and interested...basically act like I care. And I needed to act like I cared because funding for my program was a hot topic. While I don't have any problem talking with strangers, I'm way more over into the introvert side. I only leave my house because I'm forced to by the desire to pay my bills, buy groceries and get that last kid through college. Otherwise I'd only leave the house to go to Starbucks, Hobby Lobby and Home Depot. Of course, I'd have to have a computer at home. But otherwise, I'd be content.

The good news was the reception was in our building, so when I got too tired of trying to look engaged, I'd cheat and sneak back to my office and surf the internet for a while, or whine on Twitter. My twitter peeps suggested the cocktails are what makes these types of social events doable. But I'm not much of a wine drinker, and the bartender didn't look prepared to make a cute little fruity beverage that makes the alcohol more tolerable. I'm just not into the hard stuff and I had to drive home. Although that last thought didn't seem to stop anyone else. I checked the headlines this morning and didn't see reference to DUIs and "important" people, so that's good.

On a completely different topic - sorry, couldn't think of a proper seque - oh wait, I could have said something about feeling "important". Anyway, my point is I wanted to share a couple of nice mentions from other blogs here and here. An unexpected bonus to this blogging thing has been connecting with people through the blogosphere. See, I told you I'd never have to leave my house.

Super Bowl XLIII

Oh goodie. The Super Bowl is Sunday. I asked Mark where he was going to watch the big game. He said he was trying to decide whether to watch it at the east end of the couch or the west. We need more friends!

Time for my second annual installment of information on all things Super Bowl for the uninitiated. Or uninterested.

This year's Super Bowl is an epic battle between, um, two football teams. The game will be played in Tampa Bay. Oh yeah. It's between the Arizona Cardinals (yay) and the Pittsburgh Steelers. It's odd to me that the official Super Bowl XLIII website doesn't really mention which teams are playing. Apparently we are supposed to already know that. Duh! So I had to look it up elsewhere on the internet.

After Janet Jackson's 2004 wardrobe malfunction, the Halftime Show planners are still too freaked out to be very innovative. So Bruce Springsteen it is. In fact, come to think of it, no one with breasts has been featured since that year. Paul McCartney, The Rolling Stones, Prince, Tom Petty. No breasts in the bunch. So no danger of wardrobe malfunctions. If you think about it, if any of these guys had wardrobe malfunctions, there would just be a collective "eewww" from the universe. They're gonna run out of old male farts pretty soon. There will, however, be someone with breasts singing the National Anthem. It will be one of Jennifer Hudson's first appearances since her mother and brother were murdered just a few months ago. God bless her!

The best part of the Super Bowl is the commercials. Am I right? You know it's true. This year there is the first ever 3D commercial. You can pick up your 3D glasses wherever SoBe drinks are sold. This is what the crowd in my living room will look like.

If you too want to run an ad during the Super Bowl, it will cost you 3 million for a 30 second spot. That's a lot of pressure on those advertising people. Hear that Tessa? What do you have to say in 30 seconds that is worth $3 mil? This is your future.

The Super Bowl can be a dangerous pastime. And I don't just mean broken limbs or cracked skulls. Or heightened cholesterol levels. Emergency rooms report patients choking on chicken bones, backs thrown out from sudden leaps from the couch, and, most serious - urinary retention problems. I know - it's tempting to stay put through the commercials, putting off the inevitable trip to the little boys room. But unless you enjoy the catheterization experience, don't put it off. And for pete's sake, do not, I repeat, DO NOT, open your beverage of choice with your teeth.

Oh, and one last thing that will bring sighs of relief from millions. The reported shortage of buffalo wings has been greatly exaggerated. There will be wings. Hallelujah. Amen.

As I was saying...

I think I mentioned in a previous post that I love National Public Radio. It's pretty much all I listen to on my car radio. Don't judge me. Try it before you decide it's just for old women and East Coast Liberals, whoever they are. The East Coast Liberals, that is. We know who the old women are. Don't point any fingers. You know what they say about pointing fingers.

My FAVORITE is Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me, a weekly, hour long quiz program where you can test your knowledge of the week's news against the best and sometimes brightest guests, along with the show's very funny panelists and the glib host, Peter Sagal. And who wouldn't want Carl Kasell's voice on their answering machine. (Do people still have answering machines? Maybe he records your cell phone greeting). Carl and Peter are shown in the photo below.


Doug Berman, who has been on a 15 year crusade to get NPR to "lighten up", produces both "Wait Wait" and my second favorite NPR show, "Click and Clack, the Tappet Brothers" with brothers Tom and Ray Magliozzi. The brothers diagnose your cars problems by taking your phone call and listening to your description of the problem. Sound lame? No WAY! It's laugh out loud funny. One of the brothers snorts when he laughs, which makes it even more entertaining.

The brothers started out in the 70s with a shop, Hackers Haven, in Cambridge, Massachusetts where people could rent tools and space to fix their own cars. Cars became more complicated, the garage morphed into the more traditional repair shop, and Tom apparently got a doctorate in marketing. I could spend hours wasting time on their website. Be sure to check out the Shameless Commerce tab where you can buy the usual tshirts, hats and mugs, along with recordings with titles like...

• Maternal Combustion-Calls about moms and cars
• Men are from GM, Women are from Ford
• Compendium of Disrespectful Car Songs

One other NPR note - If you happen to catch the Diane Rehm Show, you might wonder what the deal is with her voice. I thought maybe she'd had a stroke since she didn't sound that way in years past. Here's an interesting article for inquiring minds.

You can look up show times on the links above, listen to podcasts of the shows, or just waste a lot of time today. But you can feel really smart doing it because after all, it IS National Public Radio.

And you didn't think I was going to give you any fun links this weekend.