Sometimes the Olympics Are Hard to Watch!

Last week was a crazy-busy week, but I still managed to take in quite a few cringe-worthy moments of the 2010 Winter Olympics.

There are the shock-n-awe cringe moments, witnessing horrifying crashes with body-parts flying and twisting in ways body parts were not meant to twist and fly. Then the athlete miraculously gets up and walks away. Some even go on to compete in the next round! That's the "awe" part.

There, of course, are the cringe-worthy costumes. And I don't just mean figure-skating, although this year's crop seems to be more "what were they thinking" than usual. There's the Czech Republic's Opening Ceremony uniforms, the body-gloved bob sledders, and those crazy Norwegian curlers in their golf pants (ordered online the week before the competition from Florida-based Loudmouthgolf.com)

msnbc.com

Speaking of curling, I was just checking out the Olympic website and saw that they are streaming the live curling competition at this very moment. Isn't "Live Curling" an oxymoron?

And about those bobsledders (bob sleighers?)- they present more cringe-worthy moments than just about any other Winter Olympic sport. Really, it's not their fault as much as it is the fault of the cameraman or woman. I truly do not need to see the Lycra-encased butt cheeks up close and personal. Nor do I need to see them adjusting their forward nether regions. I mean, I feel for them. I'm sure you can't help but feel the need to pick and pull while wrapped up like a deli sandwich. I just don't want to watch. And who decided it was of interest to put a camera at knee level to a seated and sprawled short-track speed skater? America does not want to see Apolo Anton Ohno that up-close-and-personal. Or is it Apolo Ohno Anton? Or Ohno Apolo... I'm confused.

And ice dancing. Oh ice dancing. Awkward!

Yuri Kadobnov, Getty Images

Eric Heiden-Back at the Olympics at age 51

Generation Joneser Eric Heiden (born in 1958) is one of the most recognized names when it comes to winter Olympics. If you're reading this and have no idea who he is, check out his impressive list of world records. In the 1980 Lake Placid Olympics he won EVERY speed skating event - the only skater to have ever won all of the men's speed skating races.

AP File

I didn't realize he was an orthopedic surgeon, like his father. And his wife. He's back at the Olympics, serving as the team doctor. That's just cool. If you haven't heard of him it's probably because he didn't jump on the endorsement train. He preferred finishing school and staying out of the spotlight.

Photo from MSNBC

The Lake Placid Olympics was arguably the most important Olympics for Generation Jonesers. At the very least it's probably the most memorable. As young adults we were the same age as many of the competitors. It was the Olympics that brought us the Miracle on Ice, when the USA, clearly the underdog, beat the Soviet Union in a medal round ice hockey game and went on to win the gold medal. It really was a miracle!

Thirty years have flown by since the Lake Placid Olympics. Records set during those games are only yawn-worthy now. The Olympics are no longer for amateurs only. Million dollar endorsement deals await the photogenic winners. They might even be invited to compete on Dancing With The Stars!


My own children are now young adults. I'm wondering if the Olympics hold the same place of awe in their minds as it did for us. Will there emerge any clear role models from these games? And one more question. Why, oh why, does the USA always have the worst looking outfits? I'm just not a fan.

Culture Notes - some high, some low

So much to comment on, so few brain waves with which to process the information. Is it just me or am I getting dumber as I get older? Don’t answer that if it IS just me. I thought we were supposed to gain wisdom as we grew older. I’m just becoming more aware of how much I don’t know or understand. Maybe that’s the definition of wisdom.

You think I’m talking about the great questions of the ages, don’t you. Who am I? Why do I exist? Why do bad things happen to good people? But no. I’m pondering deep, philosophical thoughts like –

LOST - What the H-E-Double-Tooth-Picks happened on the final season’s first episode of LOST. I am now way “loster” than I was before. I agree with everything my daughter, Angela, texted during the show.

“Holy cow!”
“There are two of them?”
“My mind is exploding”
“The body count is adding up”

Yep, that pretty much sums up my reaction. And like all episodes of LOST, I’m left with more new questions than resolved ones.

WE ARE THE WORLD – I loved that song when it first came out in 1985. How can you possibly listen to that song and not get chills and want to join hands with the universe and sing along? In 1985 I was busy working, my firstborn was gestating (I was preggers), and I was filled with idealism. We all really could make a better world. Here we are 25 years later and they are doing a remake. I’m excited! What’s really weird, though, is that some of the singers participating in the remake weren’t even born when the original was produced. Certainly, many of them were too young to remember it.

THE BACHELOR – There is a reason that guy’s a bachelor. That’s all I have to say on that subject. Those women should run far, far away. OK, I had one more thing to say.

APPLE iPAD – There’s something that has been bothering me about Apple’s new iPAD, other than the obvious junior high-ish things like thinking the next version will be the MAX-iPAD. Then I heard someone on the radio say it looked like their Grandmother’s iPhone, and I knew that was the thing that had been back there in the back of my brain. It looks like an iPhone for the visually impaired! Like large print books! I bet there’s an app for that, at least. Wait, there is! It’s called BigNames. Love it.

LOST is baaaccckk

Tonight we finally get to the final season of LOST. I'm not good at deferred gratification! Seriously, we have to wait until when to see the next season of Glee? Anyway, I wanted to share this map. If The Island had a subway system, this is what it would look like. Love it! Luv it!! Click the image to go to John Cabrera's site - the brains behind the map madness.

And the award goes to...

Yes! Gleeks everywhere are dancing and singing in celebration. Glee won a Golden Globe! I came a little late to the Glee fan base, but that show is Ahhw-suum! The cast is said to have burst into song backstage after accepting their award. OF COURSE they did. They wouldn't be the cast of Glee if they didn't sing at all the appropriate moments.

And I want to BE Jane Lynch. Or Meryl Streep. Or Sandra Bullock.

But right now I have to be me, and go put on my face and do my hair without assistance from a professional. Work awaits for those who live an average person's life. A life void of red carpets, unless you count the kool-aid or red wine stains. A life where there are no paparazzi, no shiny awards, no acceptance speeches.

"I'd like to thank the termite guy for coming back to exterminate the termites he said didn't exist when we bought the house. Thank you to McDonalds for always being there for me. And of course, (wiping a tear, choking back a sob) to my straight iron and my under-eye concealer. You do me proud every.single.day. Thank you!"

Tornadoes and swisters and stuff

Updates on this week's posts, because I know you're on the edge of your seats...


Last night I had hoped to watch the finale of LOST, but no. Mother Nature, or maybe the Smoke Monster, or Jacob???? had other plans. Oklahoma weather strikes again. Just as the show was ramping up to its, what I'm sure was a stunner, ending, the tornado sirens went off. Gary England was the star for the rest of the evening. So I'm going to have to try to avoid any blogs or headlines until I get a chance to jump on Hulu and wrap up the season. I have to say though, it was almost a relief to get a break from the blood bath. How many times can people get beat up, shot, or hit on the head and still come back looking great?



In another headline, the two women who were switched at birth are now calling themselves "swisters". I like it! I just call mine "twin". We could be swisters, but we'll never know. Also on that topic, my children look nothing alike - one a brown eyed brunette and the other a blue eyed blonde. But rest assured my children. There was no milkman, and there was no switching at birth. You're stuck with this family for life.

I weighed in yesterday, and I lost a substantial amount of weight and I'm less hungry than I was last week. So that's an improvement. But I'm still not ready to fully discuss the topic since I've lost and gained these same pounds several times. When I get into new territory, I'll let you know.

Wow, could this blog BE any more about me?

Freeing up my evenings

I'm so over TV right now.

I know, shocking! Maybe it's like eating too much chocolate. You finally get your fill, your appetite is satiated. I'll watch the various final episodes. I'd hate to walk out on Lost just as we're discovering more plot turns and twists to add to the already daunting maze of plot turns and twists. Have to keep the wall chart updated!You know, when I first started watching that show, I thought the title referred to the cast, not the viewers. And, of course I have to know who finally wins Dancing With The Stars. We got The Amazing Race out of the way last Sunday. Survivor is nearing the end. I gave up on Grey's Anatomy when Denny returned and the plot took a serious turn towards drama overload.

Just think of all the free time I'm going to have! If I can just succeed in not getting sucked into the new season of the Bachelorette.

Linkage and stuff

I have to share this site. YouVersion is an online, interactive Bible. It is soooo easy to look up topics, mark text, keep track of what you've already read. You can even change languages. I know a little Bulgarian from living there for a couple of years in the 90's, and I was able to switch to Bulgarian on one side and English on the other. Cooler than cool. There's even an app for that for my iPhone.

Another site I've been checking out is Twitip. If you need help exploring the Twitterverse (Twitter Universe) or want to learn about Twittiquette (Twitter Etiquette), it's the place to go. If you're new to Twitter or are thinking about trying it out, click here for some great tips (Twips?)

I'm teaching a Technical Communications course at a local university for five Monday nights, so I'm missing the last episodes of Dancing With The Stars. Major problem. But wait! Not such a big deal because I can watch it today on Hulu. The only thing I can't find on Hulu is Big Love. I love that show (definitely not for kids). But I can find just about anything else and watch it on my time. Cheaper than TiVo, although I'm still holding out for TiVo someday.

Well, that's all the linkage I've got for you today. I'm headed to have lunch with Angela at her elementary school. I've been missing her sweet self.

My daughters are smarter than this

Ode To The Bachelor

Train wreck
Rubber neck
It's not me, it's you
Bad hair
Dirty underwear
What's a girl to do

Yes folks, it was a train wreck and we watched, just like those folks on the highway who can't help but slow down and rubber neck, hoping to see a dead body on the side of the road. And there were dead bodies. But it's not you, it's me, he says. Meaning, it's so you and I'm outa hear faster than you can say "Hi, my name is Jason, and I make stunningly bad choices".

Hi Jason.

Frankly, I was shocked he didn't change his mind again after seeing Molly's hair. Seriously, you're seeing the man you love and lost, and on national television, and that's what you chose to do with your hair? I read on Chris This-Is-The-Final-Rose-Harrison's blog that the women do their own hair and makeup. Um, yeah.

Airing your dirty laundry on national television makes for good ratings I suppose. Jerry Springer for Prime Time. But I can't say much. I watched. I couldn't help myself.

Things that make you go Huh?!

After watching the Oscars the other night (actually I sort of drifted in and out while doing other things) I was again reminded of the necessity and challenge of keeping all those seats filled with beautifully dressed and done-up, living, breathing bodies. Do celebrities have super-human abilities to hold their urine for stretches of three to four hours, you might ask? Have they not had anything to eat or drink for days in order to fit into their size 0 designer gowns? Enemas, anyone? Because they seem to be ever-present. But of course, they are really in the lobby having drinks and hanging out with their super-celeb buddies while their seats are kept warm by seat fillers. Even so, how do Angelina and Brad know just when to be in their seats so the camera can catch their reaction to Jennifer Aniston's bit, for example. Makes you wonder. Well, it makes me wonder.

I wonder if they made use of the ever-so-useful inflatable extra up in the balcony areas. Hey - it's looking a bit sparse up in the third tier. Grab the pump and fill that chair! I just wonder what they have handy to dress the inflatables with. You wouldn't want it to look like there's a naked celebrity. Although sometimes I don't think anyone would notice. At least the inflatable seat filler isn't likely to break the no-autographs rule or chat annoyingly with the closest non-inflated celeb. Makes you wonder.

Another head scratcher. Martha Stewart is now running amok with ideas for ridiculous home projects by providing directions on sewing your very own TV cozy. I can see the usefulness of the traditional tea cozy when you wanted to keep the tea in your teapot steamy in a drafty old house. But your TV? Seems like a waste of time and perfectly good fabric.

One more thing to add to the "makes you go huh" discussion. Mark and I have often wondered why the dogs don't just help themselves to their dog food. We keep it in a big bin but rarely put the lid down tight. It wouldn't take much for them to have themselves a happy doggie feast. I mean, Winnie can open doors like she has thumbs. After reading about Doggie IQ tests from another blogger, we decided to give one a try. Now we know why the dog food is safe. Seriously.

Wondering what makes you go "huh?!"

The Curious Case of Slumdog Millionaire's Reader in Barcelona

I need to get out more. I haven't seen any of the movies so frequently mentioned at the Academy Awards. I don't know if we're too lazy to go to the movies or too cheap to pay the ticket and popcorn prices. But we just don't get to the movie theater much. I love the convenience of getting a Netflix movie in the mail and watching it with my lazy self stretched out on the couch eating my own microwaved popcorn. I do miss seeing some movies using this method though. Maybe I should start a list of "must see" flicks so I don't have to rely on checking out the "new release" list for adding movies to my queue.

Otherwise, I have two things to say about the Oscars: 1) I am in love with Hugh Jackman 2) For the love, would celebrities please stop using award shows as their own personal bully pulpit. OK, three things. 3) I want to be Meryl Streep. Or Queen Latifah.

In which the Bachelor makes a stunningly bad choice

I'd post about last night's Bachelor but I'm not speaking to Jason anymore after he dumped the best-choice-by-far bachelorette. I'm so over reality TV. Well, except for The Amazing Race. And maybe Top Chef. Believe it or not, I actually have a life outside of reality television. And I'm going to tell you all about it right now...(sound of crickets chirping, dog barking, deafening silence). Well, OK, maybe later.

If you want someone else's analysis of the Bachelor, read here and here and here. I'm just don't want to talk about it.

Who needs the Bachelor when they have each other

Currently there are no reality shows on TV worth watching except the Bachelor. And we all know how obsessed Mark and I are with reality shows. Because apparently our three-continent-living past lifestyle, moving every 9 months to unknown parts, Adult ADD diagnosis, depression issues, stressful but fulfilling jobs, and a college age daughter with a serious case of this year's drug resistant flu strain who thinks she's dieing in the sorority house all alone surrounded by friends with cars and someone who cooks her meals three times a day wasn't stimulating enough. Whoa. That sentence got away from me.

Back to the Bachelor. OK, did he just on national television let his four year old decide what he was going to do for the night? Let that be a warning women! You do NOT ask a four year old "do you want Daddy to stay home tonight?" Because the child will ALWAYS say yes. And someday Jason is going to have to be able to say "You're my favorite person" to someone else besides Ty and mean it. A child focused relationship is not the best foundation for a marriage. Children are wonderful and amazing and add a depth and beauty to life. But they can't be the center of the known marital universe. Because then they leave in about 18 years and it's just you two left staring at each other. And if there's no real life between the two of you, that empty nest is going to be oh so empty. (End of marriage counseling for today.)

On another Bachelor note, I want a Stephanie. She would make the most amazing friend. I agree she wasn't right for Jason, but she's precious and eternally gracious. A classic southern belle. I actually cried along with everyone else when she had to leave. And that last little comment in the limo about seeing her deceased husband in heaven some day? Sniff, sniff.

There is so much lovin' going on this season. The Lady and the Tramp spaghetti sharing thing, snuggling on the couch, holding hands, sharing secrets. And that's just the girls. Is it just me or has the Bachelorett mansion turned into every man's fantasy sorority house? Jason better watch out or those last four girls just might move in with each other and give him and his son the boot. He should move in with them right now and stop messing around. Otherwise he's missing the opportunity to join in on all the good stuff.

I'm betting on Jillian, in case anyone cares.

Super Bowl Bingo anyone?

For those of us looking for something to occupy our brain during the Super Bowl tomorrow, I've put together some BINGO cards. Just grab a few friends, print out the PDF files, grab some beans or that jar of pennies to use as markers and enjoy! Let me know how it goes. I'll be playing along.

Super Bowl Bingo1

Super Bowl Bingo2

Super Bowl Bingo3

Super Bowl Bingo4

Super Bowl Bingo5

Super Bowl Bingo 6

Super Bowl XLIII

Oh goodie. The Super Bowl is Sunday. I asked Mark where he was going to watch the big game. He said he was trying to decide whether to watch it at the east end of the couch or the west. We need more friends!

Time for my second annual installment of information on all things Super Bowl for the uninitiated. Or uninterested.

This year's Super Bowl is an epic battle between, um, two football teams. The game will be played in Tampa Bay. Oh yeah. It's between the Arizona Cardinals (yay) and the Pittsburgh Steelers. It's odd to me that the official Super Bowl XLIII website doesn't really mention which teams are playing. Apparently we are supposed to already know that. Duh! So I had to look it up elsewhere on the internet.

After Janet Jackson's 2004 wardrobe malfunction, the Halftime Show planners are still too freaked out to be very innovative. So Bruce Springsteen it is. In fact, come to think of it, no one with breasts has been featured since that year. Paul McCartney, The Rolling Stones, Prince, Tom Petty. No breasts in the bunch. So no danger of wardrobe malfunctions. If you think about it, if any of these guys had wardrobe malfunctions, there would just be a collective "eewww" from the universe. They're gonna run out of old male farts pretty soon. There will, however, be someone with breasts singing the National Anthem. It will be one of Jennifer Hudson's first appearances since her mother and brother were murdered just a few months ago. God bless her!

The best part of the Super Bowl is the commercials. Am I right? You know it's true. This year there is the first ever 3D commercial. You can pick up your 3D glasses wherever SoBe drinks are sold. This is what the crowd in my living room will look like.

If you too want to run an ad during the Super Bowl, it will cost you 3 million for a 30 second spot. That's a lot of pressure on those advertising people. Hear that Tessa? What do you have to say in 30 seconds that is worth $3 mil? This is your future.

The Super Bowl can be a dangerous pastime. And I don't just mean broken limbs or cracked skulls. Or heightened cholesterol levels. Emergency rooms report patients choking on chicken bones, backs thrown out from sudden leaps from the couch, and, most serious - urinary retention problems. I know - it's tempting to stay put through the commercials, putting off the inevitable trip to the little boys room. But unless you enjoy the catheterization experience, don't put it off. And for pete's sake, do not, I repeat, DO NOT, open your beverage of choice with your teeth.

Oh, and one last thing that will bring sighs of relief from millions. The reported shortage of buffalo wings has been greatly exaggerated. There will be wings. Hallelujah. Amen.

When Am I?

Yep, so here I am in Idabel, which is apparently the tiny little corner of Oklahoma that's not covered in ice at this moment. I'm snug in a hotel with a DingDong out of the vending machine and Bachelor on the TV. It doesn't get any better than that. Well, maybe if I was home snuggling with Mark and not worrying about how or when I'm going to get home. Or if I was on a cruise. Or a ski vacation. Or if - OK, it does get way better than this, but I'm warm and full and entertained, so no complaining.

For some reason the ABC channel here makes people sound like freaky robo guy with the machine altered voice calling with the ransom instructions. It's very distracting. And when will Nikki stop crying? And did Jason just snarf down a burger and fries and smores like it was his last meal and crawl into that tent with Perky Girl? Seriously I hope he took some Gas-X first. Perky Girl will be getting a little more of the "real" Jason than she bargained for.

Did you see that Oklahoma City is the 2nd fattest city in the USA? Marvelous. Just one more statistic to add to our dismal health stats. Surprisingly, Miami took the number one spot. So much for the South Beach diet. That's exactly why I didn't get into that diet. Well, not exactly why. It could have something to do with my love of baked goods. And my dislike of sweating.

OMG, I, like, can't stand the, like, drama on the Bachelor. He so, like, doesn't get her. She's such a, like, beyotch. I'm all, "Somebody got hit with a pugly stick". Gotta go find a tissue. l8r.

Is anyone else confused?

Best quote from the new LOST episode...Locke's question "When am I?" That show just confuses the crap out of me and I've watched it religiously from the beginning. I like to watch it because the people are way prettier than they should be after being marooned on a not-really-deserted island for so long. The non-growing, well cut hair. The lovely complexions unaffected by exposure to sun and wind and rain and sleeping on the beach or cave or, oddly, suburban houses. Because yes, if you're not a fan, there is a bit of suburbia on the island. Look - here are the beautiful folks marooned on LOST:

Now compare to the folks on the recent Survivor:

See my point? The Survivor folks were not all told to wear khaki. They are DUR-TEE! Yes, I know. The island on LOST has healing qualities. Unless you're trying to carry a baby to term or give birth. Or unless you get chased by a black cloud or shot by flaming arrows. Where did THAT come from? Do people from the Dharma Initiative shoot flaming arrows? Don't they have guns? I'm so confused.

"When am I?" is going to be my new personal question, taking the place of "Why can't I eat cookies and lose weight?" or "What the fuzzy?".