Thursday, August 7, 2008


About three weeks ago I distinctly remember saying to myself - "Self, I'm in a pretty good place". And I was. My tendency toward depression was under control, there were moments and even hours or whole days where I felt quietly joyful and peaceful. I was nice. I didn't just act nice 'cause that's what nice people do. I really felt nice and didn't have to fake it. Then things got crazy and here I am, definitely not in a good place. How did that happen? Am I really not allowed to HAVE a good place? Must my place be always gray and foggy and listless? I'm a little angry at...something. It's just not clear who can be blamed. Myself seems the logical answer. I know that I have very little tolerance for stress. My job is very stressful on its own. Then add about a million other things, all good things. But it's the sheer number of "things" that breaks me - that drops me off that cliff into darkness. And that's not where I want to be and not who I want to be. Other people seem to be able to live in a world of shortages - shortage of money, time, energy, cool weather, rain, calorie-free baked goods. Why can't I? I want my good place back.

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