Where am I?

I'm wondering if all hotels have the same decorating company. Is there a HotelMart where all chains go to buy the same nondescript furniture and stripy bed skirt and patterned window treatment? Because I could be taken blindfolded to one of these rooms and wouldn't know if I had landed in a Holiday Inn Express, a Comfort Inn, or another similar chain. The hotel room I'm in at the moment has no artwork on display whatsoever, which I find a refreshing change from what is usually screwed to the walls. Is it really necessary to use screws to attach the paintings? Do people walk off with more than the towels? Once I stayed in a hotel where the remote was screwed to the bedside table. That was seriously irritating. Another hotel had you check out a remote from the front desk. Is there a black market for TV remotes that I don't know about? Don't you need a TV to go with the remote?

I'm hanging out and working in the Atoka area and just came back from dinner. My coworker and I asked at the front desk for a restaurant recommendation, then left in search of the suggested Mexican place. We jumped in her truck, buckled in, tuned the radio to a good station, pulled out of the parking lot and...into the parking lot across the street. Somehow the fact that the restaurant was just across the street got lost in the telling. Or maybe in the listening. Hope nobody was watching the two women from "the city" who by all appearances were too lazy to walk across the road.

I've noticed that these chain hotels are trying to find ways to distinguish themselves from one another, since the decor/architecture/breakfast spread are all so cookie cutter. This hotel has one of those massage chairs in the lobby that you can use for free. I'm just not all about stretching out in a chair and letting my body parts get jiggled while folks pass by on their way in and out of the building. Now if they wanted to put one in each room, I'd be all over that.

Another hotel I stayed in recently offered "Happy Hour" where you could grab a beer or diet coke out of a cooler between the hours of 6:00pm and 8:00pm. I think they threw in a Snickers candy bar fo' free. It's not like I'm staying in the No-tell Motels. I usually stay in the best place I can find as I travel around Oklahoma. Me and the oil workers hanging out eating our fruit loops and waffles in the morning. My favorite time was when I stayed in a hotel where they were having a firemen's convention. That was some seriously pleasant eye candy to go with my morning coffee.

Did I really just say eye candy? Wow. I've sunk to a new low. I'm going to go read Tolstoy and listen to something from Rigoletto to improve my high-brow quotient. Or, I could just watch "John and Kate Plus Eight" on cable.

Where's my purse. I need the remote.