Beware: Rant Ahead

I had a Groupon to the Olive Branch Cafe in downtown OKC, so Mark and I went there for lunch today. Go there if you like Mediterranean food. The decor is early 1980s but the food is great! The waiter/busboy/cashier guy said there was going to be another online coupon coming up next week. I think he said it would be on LivingSocial. Tip: If you hurry and go to the site today you too can join the 103 thrifty folks who have snatched up a coupon for a Brazilian wax for $25. Wait, I just double checked and it's TWO Brazilian waxes for $25. So I guess you can...bring a friend? Awkward.

After the nice lunch, we had an hour or so to spare before going to a movie so we walked a few blocks to the downtown branch of the library. We each had a short list of things to discuss and it has proven to be helpful to put a time and date on the calendar and get out of the house for these little meetings. Otherwise they never happen. We didn't have anything earth-shattering to talk about - just mundane stuff like finances - and the library has nice tables and a nice sunny atrium. Good idea, right? Wrong.

Is it politically incorrect to complain that the homeless population has taken over a really nice facility? I was so very disappointed. Our quiet discussion was suddenly interrupted by a man yelling obscenities and throwing chairs. Followed by more yelling while being evicted by the police assigned to the library. The guy came back for a few more "words", punches were thrown, then just as a class of uniformed elementary school children got off their bus and lined up to enter the library the guy was on the ground with a police officer yelling threats about tazing. The offender was eventually subdued, handcuffed, and hauled out of the library. And I thought talking too loudly was the worst offense in a library.

I hope that's not a daily event, for the library staff's sake. They looked pretty unimpressed though. This morning I read about a proposed four percent increase in pay for library employees. I certainly hope they get it. Maybe they should add hardship pay for those who work in the downtown branch. Our informal survey showed that a minimum of 2 of every 3 downtown library patrons were homeless, judging by the lack of bathing and the accompanying plastic bags filled with belongings.

While stepping gingerly around the prone and soon to be cuffed man, I noted a poster detailing the library's code of conduct. It was a very long list of behaviors that are banned at the library. Among the most notable were rules against using obscenities, hitting others, throwing things, using the restrooms to bathe or do laundry, and entering the library if you have a communicable disease or lice - all behaviors we witnessed today. Well, except the communicable disease and lice part. Those are difficult to observe, but I can say we did not sit on any of the upholstered chairs.

Do I sound like some uppity suburbanite beotch? Mostly I was dissappointed and maybe a little nostalgic. We used to love taking our daughters to the library. We would all find a stack of good books and a chair and enjoy an hour of free and peaceful entertainment on a hot summer day. It's a school day, so of course there were very few children there today, but where were the college students, the retired folks, the mothers with small children, the employees from surrounding businesses stopping by to grab a good book on their lunch hour?

They were at Barnes and Noble or at home or in their office reading from their laptop, iPad, or Kindle, that's where. Is the public library going the way of bus and train stations and some public parks? Can libraries survive in the age of internet and electronics? Is the line between the poor and middle class being drawn at public vs. commercial?

Dan Walters is director of the Las Vegas-Clark County Public Library in Nevada. Quoted in an article for the Library Journal, Walters believes 'People liked hanging out at Borders and Barnes & Noble more than their local library. What does that say to us?... There's obviously something about the ambiance [at bookstores] that they find appealing.'

After today I'd say "ambiance" is definitely a key component to a successful library experience.

Too Much Information

You know it's been too long since you've visited your gynecologist when one day you need her, have to scroll through the doctors listed on yellowpages dot com to remember her name, call her office feeling all self-righteous that you plan to finally agree to another mammogram and get a recording that she has retired. It's very deflating. I hate trying to find another OBGYN. I certainly don't need the OB part of the doctor's repertoire. That ship has sailed, taking with it all of the necessary parts for baby-making. Well, not all the parts, but the bun-in-the-oven parts. What I enjoyed about my gynecologist was her experience and her understanding of the needs of a more, shall we say, mature woman. And also that she wore these little matching pastel velor sweat pants and jackets and that you had to reach around the cat lounging on the counter in order to hand over your co-pay.

Now I have to go find another doctor. Ugh. She will probably be like my primary care physician - young enough to be my offspring. I have now reached that age where more than fifty percent of the population is younger than me. I have no idea if that is a scientifically proven fact, but it feels more like eighty percent. Unless I'm in Walgreens. Then I usually feel quite young and spry. The fact that I just used the word spry in a sentence also proves my original theory.

When searching for a primary care physician after moving to OKC, I visited one doctor who matter-of-factly instructed me to eat a low sugar, low fat diet and get more exercise. Um, as if that thought wasn't the first thing I think every day and the last thing I regret every night. I'm all, thanks doc! I honestly had never thought of that. Just having you recommend it makes all the difference. I'll get right on it. Yeah. If only it were that easy...

I'll just add finding a new gynecologist to the long list of things I should do. Right behind all the things I must do but don't want to, things I want to do but never have the time for, and shaving. I really hate shaving.

Rude is In

Wow have the outbursts been exploding lately, with an equal number of apologies close on their heels. What's the deal? It's not even coming from just one industry or segment of society. Congress, entertainment, sports, journalism...everyone wants a piece of the outburst action.

I can't decide if we are becoming a society of brutes or boobs or narcissists. Or perhaps we are a bunch of over-sensitive sissies. Really, there's no excuse for Kanye West's behavior. And Congressman Joe Wilson's breach of decorum was startling. It just isn't "done". At least not outside of the British Parliament. And whichever tennis-playing Williams sister it was who berated the line judge by threatening to kill her went way beyond poor sportsmanship. All in the brute/boob/narcissist category.

Sometimes the apologies seem to fall in the sissie category though. Did the ABC news reporter who tweeted that President Obama had just called Kanye West a jackass really need to issue an apology? I guess the comment was supposed to be off the record. Turns out Twitter is not off the record.

What about the shoe throwing reporter from Iraq? He was released from prison today after doing time for his shoe-throwing outburst at a press conference with former President Bush. Or how about the guy who is suing for being arrested for flipping off a police officer. Turns out giving the finger is protected by the constitution as a form of free speech. Turns out shoe throwing is not.

"Rep. Joe Wilson (R-SC), tennis legend Serena Williams and recording artist Kanye West held a press conference in Washington, DC today to kick off the first annual National Outburst Week." -Andy Borowitz, Huffington Post

"Been a busy week for President Obama. I notice that he’s having Kanye West and Taylor Swift to the White House for a “root beer summit” this weekend." -Jay Leno

"Ok, so Kanye is a serial apologizer. One could say he suffers from C.A.D. (compulsive apologizing disorder)." -Amy Spies, Writer and Producer

"Patriotism is not short, frenzied outbursts of emotion, but the tranquil and steady dedication of a lifetime. "
Adlai E. Stevenson

Now THIS is pure class. From the Phillies game last night...

Mind, Spirit, Body

I'm on va-ca-tion, I'm on va-ca-tion (said in a sing-songy voice while doing that little dancey thing). Not that I'm actually going ON vacation. I just took a week off from work. Tessa and niece Cori come home from college, we'll be doing a round of family dinners and traveling to the in-laws for a few days. I've been thinking lately how much I need to be putting emphasis on Spirit, Mind, and Body. Now is a good time to punch that into high gear. I'm feeling dull, drab, in a fog. Life is good. No complaints there. I'm just not taking care of myself.

True confession. I HATE exercising with a passion. I've never been particularly athletic. Never really had a hobby that involved getting my heart rate up. Biking? Hurts the tush, a good bike is expensive, I have balance issues. Running? Let's just say I'm well-endowed and the girls are difficult to constrain. Yoga? I missed out on the flexibility gene, plus there's the balance issues. I am a good swimmer, but it's just so...wet. Walking is my main form of exercise, but even then I get bored. What DO people do to stay healthy? I'm hoping to explore this side of myself this week. No promises, but hopefully fewer excuses.

I'm off to dust off my BEAN and see if I can at least work some kinks out.

Permayouth isn't what it's cracked up to be

Yesterday an overly chipper personality on morning television noted that it was Meg Ryan's birthday. She's 47. Cool! So am I. Wait, not so cool. I don't look anything like Meg Ryan. Is it just me or do celebrities seem to be more like kidults, wearing the same clothes and doing the same activities as teens and adultescents? Try and think of the last time you saw a celebrity photographed with adult children. Go ahead. I'll wait.

See? It's cause people will realize just how old they are! I read recently that middle age is now considered 50s or 60s. People routinely feel (and sometimes act-you've seen it!) ten to twenty years younger than their actual age. 27is the new 47! We're stuck in permayouth.

I don't know about you, but I'm happy to be older and hopefully wiser. Yes, I would be thrilled to have the body of a twenty-year-old, as long as I get to pick which twenty-year-old body I get. Because with some 20 somethings I've seen, I'd be getting a makeunder. I'm just sayin', that's not the direction I want to be going!

I h8 halloween

Yuck. My least favorite day of the year. Halloween. When I was a kid it was fun. I think. I've never been a huge fan of dressing up. Probably I'm insecure and don't want to be uncool. When I was a kid living on Prairie Street in Olathe, Kansas, we would wait until dark, grab a bag big enough to hold the stash (we're talking pillowcase - not one of those polite little pumpkin-face buckets) round up the neighbor kids and start walking. No moms to hover. No fear of abduction or molestation or whatever it is we fear now for our children. The only slight spoiler was that we would often have to put our coats on over our carefully planned costumes, because by October 31st it was COLD. We would walk for blocks and blocks and blocks. It was only the rare house that didn't have their porch light on ready to receive us greedy goblins. There were no church "Trunk-or-Treat", no malls passing out candy. (I don't mean there weren't malls. Just that malls didn't pass out candy. Seriously, how old do you think I am?)

By the time my kids were trick-or-treat age Halloween just seemed a bit more creepy, more hard-edged, more evil. We were idealistic and eager to do the right thing. Our kids knew that Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy were all the same person and living right in their house. Not that we didn't have fun with those characters, we just didn't put on this whole charade that they were real. We chose to homeschool for their first few years of formal school, and Halloween was banned from our house.

Seriously! Our house was fun! We just chose not to celebrate creepiness. Which let me tell you, was not easy. We tried the first few years to let Angela dress in non-creepy costumes. One year she was a princess, another a ballerina. But then we'd go to the strip mall in town where they were passing out candy and there would be all the dripping blood, the things hanging from nooses, things back from the dead...yuck. Who wants to celebrate that?

So our tradition became making October 31st a fun family night. We'd turn off the porch light, order a pizza, and have a movie marathon or play games. Lots of fun, no gore.

Now that they are grown, my girls enjoy telling people they've never gone trick-or-treating and watch the astonishment and pity on their friend's faces. They're not freaks for lack of Halloween. And Mark and I now pass out candy to the few neighbor kids that don't go to the local church for their allotment of candy. But I still hate this day and what it celebrates.